Of a father and son
by SniperR
Summary: Laguna reminisces on the past and how he feels about not finding Squall earlier, then decides to confess to Squall that he is his father.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Heya! I'm back! Well, it's been quite a while since I wrote a ficlet or anything on FF so I thought I'd write something. This is just a short ficlet about Laguna and how when he decides to go visit Squall.

FYI: I'm at-the-moment up over my head in homework (grade 12 and all), grad meetings, commitees and keeping in shape so I can't really show up that often anymore... hard to find time to type besides the oh-so-short tweny minutes a morning waiting for the bus.

So yeah... sorry about the rambling and to all those who took time to read my stories and ESPECIALLY those of you you took the time to review said stories I extend my thanks from HERE TO THE MOON!

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**Of a father and son**

The second sorceress war had ended, time compression was over and everyone had managed to return, somehow, to their respective homes. For the group of friends who waged war against Ultemicia it was a good ending to a long story. But, this tale didn't concern any of them save one person, the one called Squall.

Well, more precicely is concerned him indirectly. It mostly concerned Laguna.

--

Laguna was laying on his back, watching the Garden lights drift slowly across the wall. He sighed deeply and turned to face the clock. It was 9:37 pm and outisde the skies showed every outward appearance of deep night even though it was early summer. Mainly it was due to the fact that it called for heavy rain that evening.

The weather brought back memories of Raine and his time well spent in Winhill. He had once said something along the lines of "Hey Raine, why don't you like the rain?", thinking it was pretty amusing and was completely dumbfounded when she burst into tears. He later learned her favourite cousin, who she spent almost all her time with, was killed in a mudslide caused by heavy water eroding the muddy hillside which they played together. For some reason Raine always blamed monsters for the accident.

_Maybe that's why she was always so concerned about monsters… Why she never let Ellone leave on her own._

Laguna chuckled as he remembered a little tooth-missing Ellone and how she used to call him "Uncle Lagoona". It was hard to tell the difference between his name and what she called him, but it was heart-warming to reminisc about it. Memories of their happy times spent together sent a fuzzy warmth through him and made him smile. It came back so clearly it was as if he was still there, standing in the doorway or waking to their faces. The bed brought back another memory, one that concerned Raine alone… intimate moments…one that had caused her to create a new life…

_Squall… I wonder how he's doing?_

Laguna stretched his arms and laid them to rest behind his head. He wondered if his son was resting as well. Perhaps they where still partying or just chilling in the cafeteria?

_How can they keep him from having his rest? He must be tired…_

Laguna had only learned he had a son after Raine had died. It was a bright, sunny day when he returned to Winhill to see Raine, only to find out she had died of illness. He was escorted to her final resting place and had spent the entire day sobbing on the fresh earth covering her delicate body. Not long after he returned to Esthar and was planning to go out and find his son, but he was elected president unanimously and had no chance to escape.

_How could I have done such a thing to him? I should have declined the presidency and gone searching for him. I denied him a father and a happy life… it's my fault he's so… so…_

_… so cold._

Lagune felt his eyes prick with tears. He let the salty droplets run freely down his cheeks. The remorse he felt was unbearable. For years it appeared and disappeared, coming gently and building until he could no longer bear it or just exploding into his chest when he saw father and son together and happy.

_That's the relationship I could have had with Squall. We could have been happy… could have been a family… I never chased after my son, my only family and this is where it got me… I'm crying because I never told him he was my son, never went to find him, never held him, never told him I loved him, never gave myself a chance…_

_And now I'm too much of a coward to go and tell him… Kiros was right, I am too soft hearted._

But, he realized that now was the perfect opportunity to go and confess to Squall. He was somewhere in Balamb, the atmosphere was right, it was a time to make a fresh start and it was probably the only time he would have away from Esthar in a long time. Correction, probably the only time for maybe… the rest of his mortal life.

So with a firm resolve he left his temporary shelter inside the Ragnarok and entered Balamb Garden. He walked shakily to the elevator and as soon as the first floor came into view he heard and saw the grandest of parties taking place. There was music, laughter and people dancing at every corner of the circular hall. The atmosphere was jovial and Laguna wondered how he was going to find Squall in all of it.

_Best to start somewhere. Maybe one of his friends will know?_

Laguna quickly found someone he recognized: the one with the tattooed face. He wasn't sure of his name, but he approached him regardless. He was sitting on the railing with a certain pig-tailed girl and seemed to be having a great time. Lagune tapped his shoulder and he turned around.

"Yo?" He asked and fixed an inquisitive look on his face. Laguna had to strain to hear him over the music.

"Do you know where Squall is?" Laguna screamed over the roar of the energetic music. Zell pointed to the elevator and Laguna understood that he was pointing to the dorms.

"He left a while ago, said he was tired. Don't worry, he's alone!" Zell gave Laguna a playful punch in the shoulder and winked. Laguna laughed and thanked the young man.

Making it through the crowd of people was the most difficult task of the evening. He had to weave his way through bodies moving this way and that which, in his mind, made it seem more like pandemonium than a party. The dorms where situated at the other side of the grand hall and when he finally arrived and the music faded away he swore he could hear the silence ringing in his ears.

_So this is what they mean by 'deafening silence'._

Laguna continued down the long hall until he reached the directory for the dormitories. The panel was handy: it gave detailed information on the wereabouts of a certain person's dorm. It also told you if they had checked in. That was the thing about Balamb: they had a sophisticated location system which marveled Laguna beyond words.

_Enough about technologie: I'm here to find my boy._

Laguna brought up the search panel and entered 'Squall' into the search. He was surprised to find that there where two Squalls residing on campus. He immediately located his son: he was the only one with the last name Leonhart.

_Single dorm, huh? Nice. Number 48, got it._

Laguna felt pretty confident as he made his way down the hall. But he was also scared out of his mind.

_What will Squall say? He won't accept me with open arms, that's for sure._

Laguna wondered just _how_ Squall would react. He didn't know the boy at all and had no idea of his real personality. Above all else Laguna feared rejection. He knew it would take a long time to forge a relationship with Squall, but the thought that there was still a chance that Squall would just disown him made dread built up in him. He dreaded the rejection more than an angry Squall. Anger could be soothed over time, but flat out denial would be impossible to surpass.

_25…_

_What do I say to him?_

_28…_

_How can I tell him? _

_30…_

'_Hey Squall, I'm your daddy!' Yeah, he'll sure appreaciate it like that. I've got to be sesitive…_

_33…_

_I have to ease into it… something like 'Do you remember your parents at all?' Yeah, I guess that would work._

_35…_

_How should I bring up the subject! Man, I can't beat around the buch for something like this… Ow! Leg cramp!_

_38…_

_Why am I so nervous? I can speak in front of an entire country without even rehearsing a speech but I fumble my words when I want to tell my son who he is…_

_41…_

_Man, almost there… help!_

_43…_

_What is he's not there….?_

_46…_

_What if he's asleep?_

…_48._

_Here goes…_

Laguna took a deep breath and knocked on the door lightly. He was startled when it hissed open on it's own.

The room was dark and for a moment Laguna thought that Squall wasn't even there. But as his eyes adjusted to the almost non-existant light he saw Squall laying on his bed fast asleep. He let out the breath which he wasn't even aware he was holding and entered the room. The door shut behind him, casting the room into a comfortable darkness.

Laguna tip-toed to Squall's bed and sat next to his son. He could now clearly see his face and smiled at how peaceful he looked when he slept. Laguna felt a great sense of pride towards what he had helped create. Squall may not have been the perfect son, but he was _his _son.

_Why didn't I come looking for you before?_

There was that remorse again. Tears once again began to streak down his cheeks and he smiled despite himself. He brushed a stray strand of hair from Squall's face and marveled at how warm he was. The scar running down his forehead didn't impede his looks in the slightest. If anything it made him look better.

_He looks just like rain. Lucky thing he never took after me._

Laguna chuckled at his inward joke. Squall stirred and Laguna held his breath. What would he say if he woke up to find Laguna hovering over him like that? That would ruin everything!

Laguna waited until long after Squall had stirred to breath again. Suddenly, his breathing seemed too loud. So did his heart beat.

_Few… So what do I do now?_

Actually, Laguna felt content just standing there in Squall's presence. He knew he was asleep, but what did it matter?

"Hey kiddo, I just wanted to talk. But you're asleep so I'll just leave you a note." Laguna whispered to the young man. He found an open scribbler on his desk and a pen. He tore out a page and wrote the following:

_Squall, meet me at the gate tomorrow at ten.  
__We need to talk,  
__Laguna_

That was clear enough! He left the paper unfolded and place it on the nightstand that way Squall would see it as soon as he woke up. Before he left Laguna mustered up the courage to kiss Squall's forehead and wish him sweet dreams.

Laguna made his way to the door quietly.

Before he left he turned and looked upon Squall's peaceful face.

A smile crossed his lips.

Fin/End/Finito

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A/N: Thanks for reading, review please I'd really appreaciate. Oh, and tell me if you thin I should try my hand at writing something about when Laguna actually does tell him! If you do see any spelling/gramatical mistakes or just plain things that don't make sense please tell me. I'd be happy to know what I'm doing wrong. :D 

Seeyas!

-A


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Benos Diaz! (Man, I hope that's right...it is an O and not an A, right?) Here it is! I finished it about a week ago, too lazy to upload it. Reviews would be appreciated, and again tell me if you see any errors! This one deals more with dialogue than just paragraphsso I tried to keep them as in-character as I could. Enyoy!

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Of a father and son  
Part 2

Maybe it was that his nerves had stopped their tyrade, but Laguna slept pretty comfortaby that night. In fact, he slept so well that he woke up refreshed the next morning and ready to take on the day.

_Man, I feel great! _

Laguna recalled everything from the night before. He grinned upon thinking of the look of utter confusion on Squall's face when he finds the note on his desk.

"What are you grinning about now?" Asked Kiros who was busy making up his bed.

"I'm going to tell Squall today. I'm really going to tell him."

"Good luck. I hope he doesn't take it too bad. Might be thankful he never ended up looking like you!" Kiros chukcled and Laguna crossed his arms.

"Hmph. Funny. Hey, I'm going to go eat breakfast, wanna come?" Laguna made for the door. He realized he hadn't gone to the bathroom yet and probably didn't even look the slightest bit presentable, but it was early morning and barely anyone broke their fast before he did.

"No thanks, I already ate. When are you meeting Squall?"

"Ten. Guess I have time to eat before then… and think about what I'm going to say." Laguna turned on his heals, cutting Kiros off before he could even speak. "What _should_ I say? Man, this is tough. Can I just come out and say it like that?"

_Oh boy. Here we go…_ Though Kiros.

"I sugg-"

"No, that would just make him think I'm joking. I know, I can get you to tell him!"

"Listen-"

"No, no, no! I can't do that! What about if I write it down on a piece of paper and give it to him? Wait, takes to long to write it out…"

"Lagu-"

"Should I start off just asking questions, letting him talk? I'm a good listener, I'll let him go first!"

"Shu-"

"What do you think, Kiros? Should I start or should he? Of course, I'd have to tell him to start, but I don't want to impose or anything… what if he has nothing to say to me or what if I have nothing to say to him? What if I freeze? Wait, I don't freeze… I get leg cramps. Better make sure we're sitting but then again he's already seen me get a leg cramp in front of Julia so I guess that doesn't matter too much anyway but he might think I'm an idiot which he already does I think and-"

"LAGUNA!" Laguna immediately quieted.

"Yeah?"

"You need to listen to people when they're trying to say something important." Laguna ran his fingers through his hair in a fruitless attempt to tame his tangeled mop.

"You mean you know how I should tell Squall!" Laguna looked excited.

"No, but if you don't hurry up you're not going to have a chance to tell him at all." Kiros pointed to the digital clock mounted on the wall. The bold, red numbers read 10:03.

"Uh oh!" Laguna took off down the corridor at a sprint, perfectly aware that he was still in his pijamas. He passed the blond one with the scar that matched Squall's. He was standing there with two other people and was making big hand gestures.

"Hey did you see Squall go this way?" He yelled as he passed and headed for the gate.

"Puberty boy went that way a few minutes ago." The blond yelled at the president of Esthar and laughed.

_Guess I'm late! Um… puberty boy?_

Laguna never broke his sprint until he caught sight of the front gate and Squall. When he came to a stop he doubled over in exhaustion and panted like there was no tomorrow.

"I… need to get… back into… shape!" Laguna managed to choke out between sharp breaths. He regained his composure and faced Squall, perfectly aware of the blank expression on his face.

For once in his life, Laguna was unsure of what to say.

"So, you got my note, I take it?" Small talk works.

"Yeah…" Squall trailed off in the same uncertainty he used in all converstions. "What do you want?" He added after a brief silence where he realized Laguna wasn't going to say anything.

"I have something to tell you." Laguna started with a sigh.

_I should just out and say it, right? No chewing his ears off, ok Laguna?_

Laguna took the unaltered blank expression as a sign to go ahead.

"This is really hard for me to tell you… which is really strange because I'm usually really open and not scared to say what's on my mind but this time I'm at a loss maybe because I'm nervous but that's strange too because I'm used to talking in front of the entire populace of Esthar without rehearsing my speech but here I am fumbling my murds –words!- and being all nervous and I can't see why!" Laguna stopped to take a short breath. Squall took this opportunity to voice his own well-educated opinin on Laguna.

"You talk too much. Try saying that with more than one breath." If it was possible, his expression hadn't changed in the slightest. It was as if he hadn't even spoke, because Laguna swore his face didn't even move when the words came out.

_He's not ignoring me! Yes!_

"Oh, sorry. Kiros says I do that too much and I should really try listening for once instead of talking about everything at once. You don't think I say everything at once do you?" Laguna stopped himself this time when he realized he was beginning to rant again.

"Yeah. You need to shut up and listen." Squall leaned casually against the collumn behind him and folded his arms.

_Don't shut yourself out yet! Please?_

"Ok, but before I shut up and listen I just have to tell you one thing…" Laguna tried to guess if Squall was nervous, but he couldn't tell.

"Yeah, go ahead." Squall looked bored. Laguna took in a deep breath and rolled the words around in his mouth before quickly blurting out a clumsy:

"You're my son."

"You're lying." That was one response Laguna had considered, but he hadn't expected it so quick. Squall actually stood up straight and stared Laguna down.

_Is that… fear? Is he afraid of being my son? Or is he just shocked?_

"Ok, so now that the cat's out of the bag maybe we should just sit down and talk." Laguna suggested. Squall didn't make a move.

"Just because you claim to be my dad you think that everything's perfect?" Squall's expression was a mix of shock and disbelief thrown into a pit of anger. He was angry at Laguna for even suggesting such a thing, but he figured it was true. From what he gathered (mostly circumstancial evidence) from Ellone, Kiros and Ward he had pieced it together. Never had he imagined it was true. He had given up on believing that, thinking that if it had been true Laguna would have up and told him earlier, maybe even before they fought Ultimecia. But Laguna had told him he wanted to talk to him after the battle…

_No, he's not my dad. He cant be._

"Squall? How do you feel? It's ok if you don't like me, I'll understand." Laguna reassured himself more than Squall. If Squall did hate him and refused to at least try and create a relationship between them it would hurt… really bad…

"…"

"Say something, please?" Asked Laguna. He didn't beg, he didn't _believe _in begging.

Besdies, if Squall doesn't want to aknowledge me, that's his choice. But… 

"…"

"C'mon Squall, what have you got to lose?" Laguna said it in a false happy tone.

If all else fails, smack on the happiness! 

"I need time to think…" Squall didn't seem to himself when he spoke, he seemed to be completely out of it.

"Yeah, right! Were you not the one who said that thinking and discussing things were a complete waste of time? That talking about your feelings was useless?" Now Laguna was just a little vexed.

"No… I didn't say that. But what's the point anyway? It doesn't get anyone anywhere." Squall still didn't budge, but his expression seemed to have softened.

_Bingo._ Thought Laguna.

"Really? So what's so bad about discussing your feelings?" It was a start, he had to admit it. At least now they where talking about something.

"There's no point. No one understands what you're feeling so why try?" Squall, once again, leaned against the post casually.

"Well, you have to make them understand! Just try it: explain to me how you're feeling now." Laguna was hoping for something, any kind of response would have sufficed. But Squall had to play the shut-himself-out-from-the-world guy.

"It's useless."

"No it's not!"

"It is."

"Look, how about I go first? If I do, will you try and explain to me how you're feeling?"

"No." Squall was as unmoveable as a mountain. He didn't want to talk and that was it. There was no sense in talking, Laguna wouldn't understand what he was feeling. "I mean, you tell someone you love them and they leave you. You be honest and they laugh in you face." Squall's eyes clouded, like he was delving unwantingly into some hurtful past.

_He looks like a lost puppy… I don't want him hurt like this._

In Lauguna's mind he still blamed himself for Squall's box-like persona. Maybe if he had come looking for him earlier…

But then again he had been too busy to do so.

_No, that's not it, I was scared too. Yeah, I was definitely scared. _

"But not everyone is like that. There are some nice people who want to know what you're feeling."

Laguna decided to lean againt the same pillar Squall was, but not facing in the same direction. Consequently he could see out through the entrance of the flying Garden. Now he saw a cliff, and he knew that just beyond was Esthar. He would take the Ragnarok back to the palace later on that day. That's why he had urgently wanted to talk to Squall.

"When people say they love you, they always go away. Like Matron." Squall was gazing up the cliff as well. He probably guessed Laguna was leaving and bluntly refused to get to know him because of it.

He's mentioned that twice… 

"Are you afraid that people are going to leave you if you get close to them?" Squall didn't talk, so Laguna guessed he had hit a nerve. Squall's brow descended closer to his eyes: he was frowning.

"What do you know?"

"More than you think." Laguna closed his eyes.

Raine… 

He continued momentarily.

"C'mon, I'm just trying to understand my son. You can't blame me for that!" Laguna turned back to Squall, decided wanting to talk to him face to face.

"Leave me alone." Squall turned and started walking back inside the Garden.

"Hey!" Laguna caught up with him. "Don't shut me out! You need to open up…" He put a hand on Squall's shoulder but it was quickly shrugged off.

"I wasn't trying to shut you out. I just need time. I told you." Laguna's eyebrows arched in surprise.

_He wasn't shutting me out…?_

"So you…" Laguna trailed off, unsure what to say. Squall whispered something but Laguna couldn't hear it. "What was that again?"

"I said I…" He sighed. " I guess I'l have to get to know you: you won't leave me alone if I don't. At least this way I can have a little peace." Laguna smiled happily.

"You mean it!"

Squall nodded in acquisition and Laguna couldn't help but grin goofily, the lines on his face all the more pronounced.

"Just don't… be… so… affectionate… I hate affectionate."

"Ok, ok. Can I at least hug you?"

"No."

"Fine then!" Laguna laughed and Squall actually cracked a small smile. He wouldn't let Laguna see this of course, because he turned his back to him.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around? Oh, and I will call you, so be ready!" Laguna wanted to hug Squall, but that would probably disassemble what he had worked to do. So he just contended himself with standing there, just about ready to bouce up and down.

"Sure, whatever…"

"You sure look like Raine…"

"…"

"Be seeing you."

Laguna ran off down the hallway after he and Squall said their goodbyes, all while screaming "He doesn't hate me! He doesn't hate me!".

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Gracias. 

Hopefully be writing again soon,  
-A


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